I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
