Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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