I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
