Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Randomize
