that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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