My friends, they love my intelligence
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
