you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I intend to get homeless drunk
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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