oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
