Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
