unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
