I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
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