I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
