Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize