can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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