Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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