First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
