i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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