I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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