i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
