he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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