I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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