no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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