so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I will pee on everything he values.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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