You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
