fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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