I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
