I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
