just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I think my fart just growled at me.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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