God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
