Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
