She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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