Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
