I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize