I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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