and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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