The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I wish i was in the wii world.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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