well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
