MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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