If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
