Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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