you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
