The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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