It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
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I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
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I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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