see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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