I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
