No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
