so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
