Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
