Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
