Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
