3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
