all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
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Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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