He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
