haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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