I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
