benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
