i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
