he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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