just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
