and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
