I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
