i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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