it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
