Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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