That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
