So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
