i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
